I once asked my boyfriend if he ever fantasized about someone else. Not because I was feeling romantic. I was bloated, pissed off, and wanted to stir the pot like a true chaos queen. Did it go well? Not really. Did I learn something? Absolutely. And now I get to spill it all to you.
Talking about stuff that makes your stomach churn doesn’t have to set fire to your love life. I’ve stepped on every emotional landmine, so you don’t have to.
Let’s unpack the mess, with sarcasm, tears, wine, and maybe a rabbit vibrator or two. Don’t judge.
Key Points:
- You need to stop sugar-coating and start saying the damn thing.
- Silence builds resentment, not peace.
- Timing isn’t everything, but it helps.
- Some topics feel nuclear, but they’re just human.
- Tone makes or breaks the whole thing.
- Laughter helps. So does honesty.
- Never bring it up during sex. Unless it’s about toys.
- Practice awkward truths, not polite lies.
- Set boundaries with your mouth, not just your diary.
Let’s Get One Thing Straight: Silence Is Not Sexy
If you think avoiding hard talks will keep things cute, I hate to break it to you—passive aggression isn’t foreplay. You can wear matching pajamas and still feel like strangers.
I once faked liking his cooking for six months. That man-made spaghetti tastes like boiled socks. And I still said, “Mmm, so good.” Why? Because I feared being ‘difficult.’
Guess what’s really difficult? Breaking up over dried basil and bruised ego.
Talk. Early. Often. Before your brain spirals into a Hallmark movie with no budget.
Choose Your Weapons: Words Matter More Than Timing
Yes, everyone says, “Pick the right time.” But when is that? After brunch? On a Tuesday when Mercury’s not retrograde? Please.
Here’s the real deal:
- Never start serious conversations in bed. That’s for orgasms and snacks.
- Avoid “we need to talk.” It’s basically the emotional equivalent of a horror movie trailer.
- Use curiosity, not blame. Ask before accusing.
- If you’re shaking, write it down first. Then read it like you’re performing bad poetry.
One time, I practiced saying “I feel unheard” in the mirror for three hours. Then I texted it. Don’t be like me. Texts don’t carry tone. Face your fear, not your keyboard.
Don’t Be Polite. Be Real
Politeness is cute at dinner parties. It’s useless when your partner thinks you’re fine but you’re one “I’m okay” away from throwing their Xbox out the window.
Being real doesn’t mean being mean.
It means saying:
- “I’m upset because I felt dismissed,”
- not, “You’re always a selfish idiot.”
See the difference? One gets a response. The other gets a slammed door.
If it helps, rehearse it out loud. I used to practice honesty like I was prepping for a TED Talk. Dramatic pauses and all.
Sex Talk Shouldn’t Feel Like A Funeral
Let’s talk about the bedroom. Or lack of it. Or the fact that he still doesn’t know what foreplay is. Welcome to my TED Talk.
Conversations about sex can feel like a knife fight in your feelings. But they don’t have to.
In fact, one night, I brought out a little helper to ease into it—and I mean that very literally. I introduced a new toy into the situation: a beautiful, luxurious little thing I found on Seduction. The kind of tool that makes solo nights feel like spa days.
Yes, I’m talking about rabbit vibrators. No shame. No apologies.
Sometimes, you need an icebreaker that buzzes.
So instead of, “You never touch me,” try, “Want to try something new tonight?”
That little shift can save you from disaster—and maybe give you your best night of the year.
If You’re Crying More Than Talking, There’s a Problem
Let me put it this way: if every serious chat ends in tears and confusion, you’re not communicating—you’re performing emotional gymnastics.
Here’s what I learned the hard way:
- Don’t expect them to read your mind. They’re not psychic. Most can’t even find their socks.
- Stick to one topic. If you throw everything in at once, it turns into an episode of reality TV.
- Pause. Breathe. Keep your point clear.
One time, I started a conversation about money and ended up sobbing about my dad, a missed vacation, and the way he loads the dishwasher. Spoiler: nothing got solved.
Laugh, Even If It’s Dark Humor
Laughter keeps things human. If you can laugh about the awkward stuff, you’re already winning.
My favorite example? Telling him I wanted to go to therapy. His face looked like I’d asked him to donate a kidney.
I said, “Relax, I’m not sending you away. I’m trying to keep us from murdering each other.”
We laughed. Then we booked therapy.
Use humor like a flashlight, not a shield. Don’t joke to hide the point—use it to soften the landing.
Don’t Lie to Keep the Peace. You’re Not a Spy.
Too many of us become emotional double agents. Smiling outside. Screaming inside. That’s not harmony. That’s emotional constipation.
Let’s say you’re feeling jealous. Or insecure. Or unattracted. Say it. Out loud. To them. Not your group chat.
I once told a guy I was fine with his female friend who called him “babe.”
Lies. I wanted to throw her off a balcony.
Once I admitted it, he said, “I didn’t even notice. I’ll talk to her.”
Boom. Problem solved. No crime scene needed.
Create a Safe Zone. Not a Judge’s Chamber
Let your space feel open, not like cross-examination with emotional shrapnel. Nobody confesses stuff if they feel like they’ll get sentenced.
What helps?
- Say “Thank you for telling me” even if you don’t love what you heard.
- Don’t weaponize their honesty later. That’s emotional blackmail.
- Set a “no fix, just listen” rule sometimes.
I once told a guy something painful. He immediately tried to fix it by sending me an article. I didn’t want Wikipedia. I wanted empathy.
Sometimes, listening wins. Solutions can wait.
Not Everything Needs Resolution in One Night
Stop expecting every hard conversation to end in peace, kisses, and a shared Netflix account.
Some things sit. They simmer. That’s fine.
Give space. Walk away if needed. Just don’t ghost each other emotionally.
You can say:
- “I need a break to process this.”
- “Let’s continue tomorrow.”
It’s not avoidance. It’s maturity. Or at least pretending to be mature, which is close enough.
Red Flags Aren’t Confetti—Pay Attention
Here’s where I get serious. If you feel fear about speaking up, that’s not normal. It’s not cute. It’s not passionate. It’s a warning.
You’re allowed to be heard. Always.
Signs you’re being silenced:
- They mock your feelings.
- You leave talks feeling smaller.
- You censor yourself to keep peace.
Been there. Got the therapy bill. Don’t ignore the alarm bells.
You’re Not High Maintenance for Having Emotions
If someone calls you “too much” for having feelings, tell them to go date a houseplant. You deserve to speak. Loudly, if needed.
Let’s recap the signs you’re handling it like a queen:
- You say what you mean.
- You listen without eye rolls.
- You take breaks without disappearing.
- You call out toxic patterns, even if your voice shakes.
I’m not saying you’ll always get it right. But saying nothing guarantees failure.
Your voice matters more than your fear. Every time.
Final Words
I’ve messed up more talks than I’ve nailed. I’ve cried, screamed, texted novels, and ghosted myself into emotional caves. But I kept trying. Because silence kills love faster than infidelity.
Say the awkward thing. Make the uncomfortable joke. Pull out the rabbit vibrator if it helps.
Just speak.
You’re not too emotional. You’re honest. There’s a difference.
And if they can’t handle that?
You don’t need to whisper anymore. You need a new audience.
